Let the good times role

I fix my hair as i watch you button up you're shirt.
We tidy the room and stumble downstairs.
Content on what has just happend.
Never feeling awkward.
My body aches from all the alcohol i've drank.
But i tell myself that i'm still in control.
The bits and pieces of the night fade in and out.
I just can’t comprehend, so i go and ask a friend.
She said he saw you go upstairs with a boy with darkish brownish hair.
That you sort of, kind of, don’t really remember.
Do you remember?
You know it's not just about that.
I don't have to tell you.
We don't fight fair.
But we do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
That's the best way.
Dial 155 for romance.
She'll pick up.
Promise.
If it's you.
America seems so close.
Not as close as you though.

Telling my secrets to you, the strangers.

over-rated boys seem to be what turns me on.
if you're so confident then tell me,
can you taste me on your lips as you turn your head and walk away?
lets get drunk.
you can drive me home and we can laugh.
and i'll wipe condensation on your face.
i want my makeup to stain your pillowcase.
but you know.
i dont have to tell you.
its not just about that.
i dont want to know why i cant let you go.

sing me to sleep?

sometimes i freak myself out.
i'd rather be anything but ordinary.
i want to go to the extreme.
be spontaneous.
make me feel alive.
rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed.
so much for my happy ending.
tell me im a bad girl.
tell me im an angel.
take this to my grave.
take me out.
get me wasted.
dance with me.
dont judge.
and lets walk home and look at the stars.
although our vision will be blurred.
romance is dead.
so am i.
i want to go to the ocean again.
i want to run so fast no-one can catch me.
i dont wana be here anymore.
new cd for my car.
ace.x

mymymy is that the time?

I can write it better than you ever felt it.
I guess it's just my talent.
Not really a good start to the week.
but i feel like theres a lot off my chest.
you for example.
i feel like i lead two lifes.
its so strange.
its a sin not a tragedy.
and i love it.
A teenage vow in a parking lot.
who'd have ever thought it.

When things dont seem right.

I hate it when my internet doesn’t work.
It feels like my worlds come crashing down around me head.
And my key to the world has been stolen.
Last night was awesome.
I needed it.
We had fun.
Danced.
And loved life.
I felt a million dollars and no one was going to piss on my parade.
I look terrible right about now.
I think its back to bed with me.
Fancy it?
Only until 11 though.
That gives me 35 minutes.
Power nap much?
Miss Mae signing out.
For now…

i wished i was at the dance

What do you really think about me?
i'd love to know.
hit me with it.
i found out that my mum is going to die in seven years or less.
big c got her again.
and you wonder why i drink so much.
I miss the US.
I miss us.
I miss you.
you wrote about me.
i loved it.
yes i hear the songs the same way.
just like the first time they where played.
my head feels a bit confused.
i really wish we could cuddle.
and stay up all night and talk.
i doubt ill ever sleep on that blow up bed.

i miss the old days

32 posts.
mymy.
i have been a busy girl.
i adore album artwork.
it does something to me.
yes i have issues.
i know more about them than you do.
i drink like a fish.
swear like a trooper.
and get interviews cuz i shag around.
yeah right.
i lied with the last one.
sorry.
lifes so strange.
we all think so.
i wish i could go back to the days when holding hands gave you butterflies.
and tiny kisses on the lips for the first time made you shake.
and there wern't even proper kisses.
just little pecks.
but you shook like you where iced to the bone.
i miss those days.
when you didn't know what sex was.
and was as innocent as they come.
i have this bad feeling i should get some sleep.
but im not tired at all.
infact im wide awake.
cd collection is far more important.
i really really wish i could be somewhere else.
i miss the us.

so much to say but the words dont sound right

If i could find the right words to say.
the odds are on that i wouldnt say them anyway.
why is life always so confusing.
you messed up my mental health.
i was quite unwell.
i feel like im gonna spend my whole life looking for you.
where are you Noah?
Kiss me in the pouring rain.
Row with me in the old boat.
Fight with me in the crowded street.
Make love to me on the creaking boards.
and smile with me at the beautiful sunsets from our porch.
I want to love you.
love me?
dont forget im fine.
nothing wrong.
fake a smile.
Yours dearest Allie.x

speechless

all alone and doing better on my own.
until the telephone rings.
plead your case with broken wings.
i give myself away to everyone.
now there's nothing left for me.
there will come a day when everything will come right back down on me.
come back, I know you feel the same.
speechless, I don't know what to say to you to pull us through.
just when I assume that everything's alright.
you're gone again.
i'm gonna spend my whole life wondering why.
you're right, I know that I was wrong.
but I'm lost.
ive been here for so long but please don't let it slip away.
i've got a lot to explain.
i just wanted to say that I miss you.
there's so much we left unsaid.
disaster comes with this distance.
there's no one left to blame.
but ourselves for feeling this way.

nothing like being opposite

All hail the heartbreaker. Thankyou

Mae read the books.
It's all about fresh starts.
and 4am finishes.
Brown hair and eyes.
She's about 5'9.
She'd never lie to you.
Take her home for just $9.95.
She'll sing those songs you like.
She'll keep you warm at night.
When she's home alone.
She just dances by herself.
She's alright in bed.
But better with a pen.
I want these words to make things right.
but its the wrongs that make the words come to life.
So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures.
And overanalyze your words.
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard.
It's taking everything in me.
Just to forget your hoodie so far.
Hate is a strong word.
But i really really really dont like you.
I dont love you.
Like i did yesterday.

i hate you

if you where here now.
id hit you in the face.
you lie so much.
you cheat so much.
i hate you.
dont ever look at my again.
if you do.
ill look right through you.
you dont exsist to me anymore.
your the biggest mistake of my life.
you can have all ur shit back.
and u can keep your money.
and i dont want to go to lilly.
your not real to me anymore.
ur things are waiting outside your house.
im taking them now.
please die.
the best part was you showed her to me.
you fucking faggot.
gutterboy.
remember?
in the gutter you'll always be.
and i wont let u ruin this for me.
i hope this cuts deeper than the way you cut your wrists.
i hope you take too many painkillers.
i hope you run under a bus.
i hope you have a car crash.
i hate you.
i hate you so much.
words cant even describe.
but my god.
there a lovely try.
i hate you forever.

There must be so many ways to say goodbye.

to say im a carcrash is the understatement of the year.
tomorrow is going to be amazing.
its a new day.
new start.
and i cant wait.
im trying to do my media.
but its proving hard.
He says your pretty and he adores you.
Reciting dialogue from classic romances he steals
Attention starved girl.
A little curious,
but mainly insecure.
They call it love
It might be premature.
But we don't need excuses.
Brown hair and eyes.
She's about 5'9.
She'd never lie to you.
To feel used, to feel lust, to feel wanted for once.
To know there's somebody else who's dying to feel anything.
Ready and Willing.
if it looks like im laughing.
im really asking to leave.
im going to bed.
im too excited to feel my perfect day tomorrow.
sweetdreams angelface.
think about me yea?
maybe?
miss you darling.
smile.
im sleeping yours tomorrow.x

help me yea?

so i have a choice.
a. cram my ass off, get half done, get no sleep, worry and make myself ill.
or
b.just finish the media, submit journalism how it is, resit in summer and get some sleep and be fresh for tomorrow.
new start and all that.
i dunno.
its my own fault.
but they should understand.
depression and cancer hits hard.
i think i know what im going to do.
but answers on a postcard or something?
k, thanks.
i wish you'd write about me.
signing off.x

take my troubles away

thanks for the memories.
i have so much to do.
but no time to do it in.
im addicted to the way i feel when im with you.
last night was aweful.
i drank too much.
and took one to many pills.
i knew about it this morning.
someone tell me whats wrong?
fix me.
in 45 or a novel.
please.

take my troubles away

thanks for the memories.
i have so much to do.
but no time to do it in.
im addicted to the way i feel when im with you.
last night was aweful.
i drank too much.
and took one to many pills.
i knew about it this morning.
someone tell me whats wrong?
fix me.
in 45 or a novel.
please.

take my troubles away

thanks for the memories.
i have so much to do.
but no time to do it in.
im addicted to the way i feel when im with you.
last night was aweful.
i drank too much.
and took one to many pills.
i knew about it this morning.
someone tell me whats wrong?
fix me.
in 45 or a novel.
please.

We don't fight fair.

Did we ever?
dont pretend you ever forgot about me.
todays been a funny one.
i slept, a lot.
need to motivate myself.
made food though.
high five.
she was proud.
one night stand.
one night stand off.
i love these amazing cliches.
why does it get off on being down.
stop feeling sorry for yourself mae.
im hungry again.
last night i was broken down on memory lane.
bit nostalgic. not too good.
i'm gona plan my trip.
and im gona do it alone.
its something i really need to do.
as soon as my cars fixed.
im gona save for it.
and crash on peoples sofas and have an amazing time.
The truth hurts worse than anything I could bring myself to do.
we know that all too well.
im gona chase my dreams.
and not stop until i get them.
im gona think more about you.
and how we need to spend more time together more.
and laugh more.
i'm gona go from florida to cali.
all by myself.
i will come back.
i promise.
i have things to come home to now.
motivation time.
Signing off.
i'm alright in bed, but i'm better with a pen.
or keys.
how ever you wanna look at it.

crashinglikehc

i cant even convey how i feel into words.
his best friend died today.
i didnt know what to say.
except sorry and stare at the floor.
that could have been my mother.
things can flow so fast.
possibly out of control.
and when you get a second to sit and think.
you get scared.
what if this is another him or he.
cant tar with the same brush mae.
tomorrows a new day.
i miss my dad.
i miss my best friend.
i miss my boyfriend.
i miss my other bestfriend.
i didnt feel to ace driving home today.
doctors tomorrow after Alfies been to school.
i want to cry.
i always find things so very difficult.
mymymy.
it hit the fan.
fantastic.

i'm better with a pen, he doesn't think so.

it's it amazing.
how things go from fucking terrible.
to fucking amazing.
Bristol is the most fun ever.
He makes me smile like no mans business.
but i often wonder if she's going to be mad at me.
i truely hope she's not.
i feel like i took my dad's advice for once.
do what makes me happy.
and i've never smiled so much.
i forget about all my shitty exs.
the way i was treated.
my mum.
my troubles.
and just smile.
is there even a need for those pills?
a week ago today,
i was a car crash.
totally.
i was ready to give up.
i went home and cried to my mum.
and now i feel so far away from that.
i hope this works.
i really do.
i want it badly.
i do think about him.
i dont want to hurt him the way he hurt me.
i'm not like that. at all.
we can still hang.
i just don't wana break anyones heart.
the way mine was trashed.
he passed me some band aids.
and we're on our way to the future.
it's moving so fast.
but i love it.
i've never felt so alive.
i love you.
this is life.
this is amazing.

baby love called again...

and this time he didnt hang up.
i know i say this about all of them.
and i know i get this excited.
but this, this is different.
in the back of my mind i know im going to get let down.
but i wont let that come to the front.
i dont wana cry.
i dont wana be sad.
i wana smile.
the way you make me smile.
i wana laugh.
the way you make me laugh.
i wana fall head over heels in love and not get hurt.
i want you to make me feel that way.
i want you to mend my broken heart.
and pass me the band aids ever time a crack appears.
i wana catch this moment in a perfect picture.
i want you in the bathroom.
even though your a gentleman and charming.
god, you make my tummys do flips.
dont let me down.
please.
ive been through too much for this one to be a fuck up too.
and i know what im like.
get attached too quick.
but im hoping your the same.
i just want to be in love.
(and i just called you on accident.
sorry.)
in other news.
i hate uni.
someone give me a job now please.
will write for food/money/clothes/roofoverherhead.
back to todays current story...
Maeheadoverheelsforsomeguyoffmyspace<3
but its so strange.
your not the type i go for.
never.
but its nice.
ive also been thinking about my mum a lot recently.
shes on her first lot of like injection chemo.
shes had the tablet ones already.
it worries me.
shes been real ill.
and i dont seem to understand it.
only that its the big C.
which is just a stupid thing to call it if you ask me.
do you think hapiness comes at a price?
because i'm not even sure i want to pay it.
if it does.
i'm hoping it doesnt.
Then theres you.
what do i say to you.
the heartbreaker.
the exloveofmylife.
part of me wishes that it had never ended up this way.
because i still think about you.
just not the way you think about me.
dont hate me yea?
i dont wana pay the price.
why does life have to be this way.
at all.