Things are looking up Mae

*sigh*
one of those days again.
but things are looking up.
tomorrow i am going to cram so hard.
its gona hurt.
new boy, maybe, maybe not.
i need to stop doing that thing i always do so quick.
he's not got back to me yet.
doubt he will.
our pictures super cute.
everyone says i look nice on it.
tho i dont see it.
im not too afraid anymore.
i can do this.
and i wont give up.
because thats pointless.
things would have been in vain if i give up.
i know what i'm here for.
i need to share my talent and change the world.
and i will.
just you watch.

a scar away from falling a part. dont give up kiddo

no-one really understands depression.
not even the doctors who give you the anti-depressants.
i wonder if he read it.
i wonder if hes thinking about me.
wondering how i am.
thinking how im feeling.
i beg he gets back to me.
that would be something.
ive been thinking of dropping uni.
and travelling then starting again next year.
but i know i'd never come back.
my mum knows it too.
i was told today i had a gift.
a gift for writing.
ive never been good at anything.
only writing.
maybe i'll see if i can just drop media.
i do hate it.
i have an exam tomorrow that i'm going to fail big time.
i need to smile.
make me smile?
make my day?
i might just kiss you.

note to self. i need more aim buddies.

crashing

i'm not sure how to sum up the past weekend.
possibly a let down.
my lifes a car wreak.
nothing can make me happy.
i had a dream i was dead last night.
it was peaceful.
i looked so beautiful in my coffin.
it was so strange though.
i wish i could pick myself up.
since i cant make it to a beach.
i might go do my next favourite thing.
i wish there was something i could do to change this.

16 candles, touch me, much?

After a night on the piss, I came home…sent a stupid email :S
And watched my all time fav film.
Sixteen candles.
Omg its amazing.
Makes me swoon.
She gets the guy, and man hes hot.
Favourite line, ‘thanks for getting my panties back.’
I may be tempted to put that on a tee.
We’re still so young desperate for attention.
Cute tomorrow.
I still want someone to share that with.
I be making it my mission to pull tomorrow in my fabulous outfit, swooncore.
When I get my exhaust fixed im gona go to the beach and listen to mae.
It will be perfect.
I can tell.
You couldnt find a blinder fool.
My emotions fly up and down.
I cant quite work them out.
I often wonder why.
and this is it.
I'm just to far out.
i feel like i should write lots.
but i just cant.
lets sit back, and watch the stars change into the sun.
it would be nice.
do you still have sand in your shoes?
her split milk life stained her dress.

last feeling...confused.
last thinking...big hands or wigan tomorrow night.
last watched...the rain hit my windows.
last listened to...alkaline trio - radio
last sex...a long long time ago

smile, it makes my world go round

you know what.
i have a smile on my face for a change.
this weekend its fall out boy.
i get to meet them.
twice.
i'm going on the piss with my best friend tomorrow.
i just made an amazing teeshirt.
i went shopping.
i had lily allen on full blast in my car.
and sang my heart out.
aka...lily chivers.
i made friends with that boy.
which ive decide is better.
friends last longer than boys.
and friendships can develop.
everything happens for a reason.
and if i ever wanted to go to london, which you know one day i might.
i can blag to stay there.
i'm happy.
and it feels nice.
it's so funny how my emotions change.
scary really.
hair extensions soon too.
before i shave my head for charity.
man i'm hardcore.
i love my life.
really.
=)

dead.

keep on dreaming on the stars outside your window.

love hung up

i'm actually a wreak.
things have gone from bad to worse.
im back to not being able to get out of bed again.
i try.
but i cant.
i think im gona go for a drive.
but i dont know how much of a good idea that is.
dont for a second think this is about you.
you just made things worse.
i should have kept my promise.
never date boys in bands.
there always self-obessed pricks.
who dont care about anyone but there selfs.
and there band.
sometimes there band mates.
wankers.
im just a bit of a freak really.
and no-one likes that.

put love on hold, reality called.

So i went.
i wish i hadn't.
everything was fine until he popped some pills.
and fucked off.
leaving me in Liverpool.
alone.
i was a bit scared.
i dont really like liverpool.
and i wont be going again.
but as much as i wanna break his nose.
like he broke mine.
i still like him.
god. thats fucked.
i want him to read this but i dont.
i dont know if i'm coming or going.
and also.
how hard is it dating a boy in a band?
the amount of dirty looks is untrue.
'The rest of my band mates are still asleep. I cant seem to sleep these days, although I am monumentally tired. I also feel like a bit of a car crash at the moment.I ended up leaving the venue last night in such a state that I wandered into Liverpool City Centre with no battery on my phone & no money in my pocket.Luckily my good friends eventually found me after relentlessly searching through half the night. So, to the person I let down, If you are reading this, I'm really sorry.'
At least it really happend and he didn't lie.
I know how i want him to make it up to me.
but i dont want to ask.
Darling put reality on hold.
Love just called for you.x

We do it in the dark, with smiles on our faces.

We dont fight fair.
So in a couple of hours i find out if i'm going to Liverpool.
And i do kinda really wanna go.
It would be romantic.
Totally.
Do me a favour and give me something to hold on too.
Pretty please?
That cherry on top.x

Don't give up when it's easy

so recently i cant decide if my life owns or not.
i hang out with bands.
my bf breaks my heart. [again].
i have the most amazing best friend.
i've had a kidney infection.
for a change ive met someone new.
he lives in london.
im going to see him in liverpool.
im dead scared.
feelings can change like the amount of hours i sleep.
i have a nasty feeling i'm gona break my nose again.
i think its crazy going the distance on a chance.
but if i dont, i'll never know.
can you know someone so well in less then 6 hours?
is it possible to click so soon.
my mind races like that wim i'm betting on.
i want to have that overwhelming feeling my life is perfect.
i want to be happy.
i want the sun on my face.
i want to wake up next to someone i love.
is a bit of happiness to much to ask?
it felt a movie.
that moment.
lights, camera, action.
i'll know soon enough.
Does anyone knock when they barge into beat me down?