you can't break something twice.

i have had a killer of a bad day.
work is complete bull shit.
i'm worried about the hospital appointment.
and general bad moods all round.
good news is i've had inspiration for my novel.
bad news is writing it down. boo.
i can't get my tenses mixed up.
i amaze myself some times...
i start the course with fancy highlighters and fancy pens.
i end it with a black ball point.
who'd have known.
i really need to go vinyl shopping.
and i really need to go to a book store.
although i have like three books just begging me to read them.
hmmm.
theres something refreshing about doing uni work with a pint of fosters.
so now i have my characters names too...
April Francesco is our leading lady...shes absolutely beautiful, but doesn't know it.
She has very dark brown chocolate hair...shoulder length...and deep brown eyes.
And Laban Rivers, i don't know much about him yet.
So don't think that I'm pushing you away...
When you're the one that I've kept closest...
Patricia Duncker and the linger factor is my aim.
i want to seduce my reader...
to the very last page.
it's just like seducing that certain someone...
when the seduction has been achieved and you've left the bedroom you continue to think about me...
you want more...
like a drug.
i'll get you hooked.
note to self i need more F. Scott Fitzgerald in my life.
to many people communicate but never connect.
we'll see

i don't get much internet access...

Sunday 20th December 2009

Killing in the name of…

In fact I have no idea.
What would I kill in the name of?
If anything?
Maybe that could be my question of the day…
Answers on a postcard please…
Or text them too me…
Now that would amuse me…
Anyway…
I’m really loving the new Cribs album at the moment.
It must be the Marr guitar riffs.
I love the song cheat on me.
It kinda makes sense.
Because that’s what he did.
Because things go together better than others…
Manic depression and hyper sexuality?
It always amazes me that certain things that happen in your life always stay with you no matter how hard you try to get rid of them.
Oh joy.
I really need to shower.
I skink of work.
Stale cigarettes.
Chip fat.
And past it’s best beer.
I also look like I need a good nights sleep.
In a warm bed.
I’m getting a little sick of this rat race.
Would prince charming really listen to me moan and wipe my tears?
My prince charming would pour me a tequila shot, pass me the salt and a slice of lime, knock it back with me and then pour us another.
We’d get wildly drunk, giggle all night long and listen to vinyl very loud, dance like fools and sing out of tune into whatever resembled a microphone at the time.
For that I’m sure.


Monday 21st December 2009

Just put me in a big bag and shake me up…

I don’t like Mondays.
Who does?
I have a mountain of things to do.
But I just don’t want to do them.
When do insecurities dissolve into old age?
When will you accept yourself?
I am sick, I am dull and I am plain.
Dreams seem to have a way of not coming true.
Why do I want everything now?
I have a lifetime to wait for things to happen to me.
Why do I rush?
Why do I want it all now?


Tuesday 22nd December 2009

Get sexy right now…

I’ve got this huge sex appeal thing going on today.
And I have no idea why.
I feel very sexy.
Like I could just stand in the snow in my underwear and feel amazing.
What’s all that about?
It’s a new feeling that’s for sure.
I think I’m warming to the snow a little.
The view from my bedroom window is Christmas card perfect.
Bright white fields, everything’s covered in a carpet of white.
And Winter Hill looks even more amazing than usual.
Very wintery indeed.
In other positive news I got 61% oh yeahhh.
Novelist at heart baby.
I’m counting down the days until my big night out with the best in January.
I’m so excited to go out and have another crazy night out.
We’ve got a 21st then we’ll be hitting Wigwam with a bang.
I’ve started making my new years resolutions already too…
Get skinny…
Haha as if!


Wednesday 23rd December 2009

I’ll see you back on Winter Hill

Winter Hill looks so beautiful.
It’s so clear yet covered in snow.
It feels like it I step out of the patio doors and reach I’ll grab it.
Winter Hill will always remind me of home.
No matter where I go, it will always be home.
I think I’m dying here.
I’m wasting away.
I’m only half of the person I used to be.
I need to conjure some strength from somewhere.
I’m so scared.
The path I’m walking down isn’t the one I would have chose given the chance.
I want to scream at the top of my lungs in absolute frustration.
What’s this niggle, why aren’t I happy.
Why do I have an urge to leave?
Is everyone like this?
Or is it just me?
Do I have an overactive imagination?
Why won’t I settle for what I already have?
I can’t put roots down yet.
I’m not ready.

i want your bad romance...

because i'm a free bitch baby.

i want your love

i want your revenge.

me and you could write a bad romance...

or not..

the weekend of doom...

up to now...

22 hours of hell.

police men.

drunks.

pervs and flirts.

nice.

tomorrows just started today.

write me something nice?

lalaohlala...

gagaohlala.x

i really wanna be your frind forever...lauraaaaaaa....

why are people so stupid?
but really why?
and for the record, i'm not even that keen on snow.
it's cold, it's wet, it hurts when it gets thrown in your face.
small rant now over.
not looking forward to work tonight.
i really wish i was going out.
but only 7 days till i can wear my amazing new dress.
i may preview it before then...we'll see.
download laura by girls <3
cliche but lovely

just maybe if you where wondering...if you wanted to...i'd want you too...or would it be to? or too? hmmm...

i actually dont write anymore.
i just realised.
i write fiction stuff.
but not stuff about me anymore.
i wonder why.
i havn't updated in so long.
maybe it's because nothings changed.
well since the last update i've turned 21.
which is very over rated.
i've got rid of speedy pistol pete...he is now a cube somewhere.
sad face.
i still work at the pub...and now i'm training to be a primary school teacher.
i'm sure i had big plans for myself.
but somewhere along the way...
making money, having a house, a car and a decent job made the big plans jump out of the window.
it's true what they say about full time jobs...they really put your fires out.
time flying past me like i'm still stood, not moving.
times moving but i'm not.
somethings got to give...
it has too.
i still love my music though.
i dont think that will ever change.
my vinyl collection has grown too...in value as well...lucky me.
it's like i have this urge to make a change, do something amazing...but i haven't got the confidence to do something for me, to make that change.
i have become a rifles song.
ive wrote my ten things to do before i die list.
it's currently a secret...even more secretive than you.
i'll keep you updated this time...
promise?
maybe theres still some embers left too?
who knows...

its really out there

it's taken me a very long time.
but i'm happy.
i am actually happy.
i really smile.
not a fake smile.
a real smile.
i smile with my eyes.
my heart.
i smile and i feel it inside of me.
i cry now because i'm happy.
not because i'm sad.
because im happy.
i never thought this would ever happen to me.
i never saw it coming
and i wasnt looking for it.
making plans for the future excites me.
we have our ups and downs.
but thats us.
i love you.
i love you so much it tingles.
i love you so much it makes me grin.
i love you.
and i dont know how else to show you.
this is the real deal.
your the one ive been waiting for.
this is what i was fighting for.
finally.
life is good.