a million miles from home

love and lust are two completely different things, or so i'm told.
i sit and write from a super busy day.
all i want to do is get drunk, so drunk i can feel nothing.
i'd quite like to feel numb right now.
but i have no idea why.
i suppose theres too much going on right now.
wondering if the right choices have been made.
wondering if i've done the right thing.
and apparently i'm too nice
maybe i need to turn on super bitch mode when working.
but i find it hard to be like that at work.
i'm still all smiles.
i look at how far i've come and i can't help but smile.
this time last year i was unsure.
i'd made some choices and i'd took some chances.
and i'm well aware that everything happens for a reason.
these reason, choices and chances have made me a better person
i often wonder where i'll be a year from now.
will i still be in Wales?
will i still be in the same job?
will i just be a girlfriend?
or will i be married?
will i be a mother?
will i be single?
so many questions.
and no answers.
i can only wait and see.
i will have the answers a year from now.
only i can create the path i'm about to take.
to apologies.
to glances.
and to messed up chances.
to all those times kid.
and to always all ways.
forever.

imagine you're life being turned upside down and inside out.
imagine having no control over this.
imagine everything and everyone you know being fake.
imagine you didn't come from the place you called home.
imagine the one person who can confirm or deny being dead.
that's how i feel right now.
i need answers.