i felt a massive need to write...

publicly.
which isn't like me at the moment.
everythings being kept under wraps for my new book.
i have so much to share.
but to which audience.
i've been alone this week.
it's been a good thing and a bad thing.
being alone with my thoughts has always been a clash.
i've decorated the bathroom...massive sense of achievement.
i've missed the unmissable.
i've wanted to be someone else, some other time and some other place.
i counted the exs that mattered on one hand.
i lost count of the ones that didn't matter.
i planned 10 years into the future.
scrapped it.
planned it again.
scrapped that.
and realised plans never come true.
sleep isn't coming to me easily these days.
i have more troubles than i care to share.
i should sleep
it's going to be one hell of a weekend.x

i'm sorry

I don't think i've been the best girlfriend since i've got back from America.
infact i'd say i've been take. take. take.
which isn't like me.
I'm sorry.
i don't think i'm dealing very well with being back.
i'm so happy to be back and with you.
being with you is all i ever want to do.
it's just the weather.
work.
the way of life here.
i need to shake this feeling.
because i need you to know that it's not you that's causing me to feel like this.
i adore you.
you're the light, the warmth, the love that keeps me going.
i need to get positive and think about all the wonderful things that happen in winter.
i suppose it doesn't help that i can't stand Christmas.
what are you going to do with me?
i love you.x