not good

tonights not been good.
i've felt super down.
Doctors tomorrow tho to sort it out.
asda at 1am or bed at 1am that is the question.
im fresh out of things to write.
sweet dreams.

so close, yet so far

back to where i started.
its like a nasty circle.
and i cant jump out of it, no matter how hard i try.
he always lets me down, messes me around.
hurts me.
i dont deserve this, espically not now.
i need someone to take care of me, to love me, to have fun with.
Not to continue to stamp on my heart just a little bit more.
someone needs to wipe the tears.
why cant you understand.
why cant anyone.
i get so mad and so angry.
nothing helps.
i wish you could give me that cuddle i want to give you.
we're so far away.

I dont want your car.x

Caps lock really do pose a love/hate relationship for me.
I'm dreaming of LA.
I'm dreaming of America.
Of stars.
Of being someone.
This band-aid has never wanted something so bad.
I just want the dream.
The car, the house, the hyde nightclub, the stars, the boutiques, the brazillian.
God too much Sex and the city gets me everytime.
By the way, I forgot to inform.
The relationship of the year is back on.
The golden couple are back.
Yes i'm crazy. In love.
I've been behind enemy lines today.
Scary shit.
Babyboy, you can do better.
Coffee?
I wish.

Currenty listening - Wait a minute - Pussycat dolls.
Booze intake - 2 cans
Love life - Regular sex

Naked like the truth should always be.x

In the grand scheme of things.
How wrong I was.
And the best part.
It just makes you look sad craving for my attention.
If it is something I have learnt in my life, in my experience and in my childhood, liers are the lowest of the low.
Gutter low.
Liers destroyed my family.
Like i'm going to let it destroy me?
I feel happy =)
Why should your choices hurt me.
I'm 18, why must i find the love of my life now.
I have miles to go and lots to see.
I have America, the land of opportuniy, and many men.
and miles to go.
Oh you don't know me at all.
For which i'm glad.
and miles to go.
I'm going to share my 11.11 dream with someone else.
I am excited.
and miles to go Mister R. Frost.

Listening: NJ falls into the Atlantic - Senses Fail
Feeling: Super Happy.
Planning: A future.

Be romanctically involved

I've had a love/hate relationship with my journal.
and a love/hate relationship with you.
One day on.
Another off.
Make your mind up kid.
You'll miss your big day.
I seem to be romanctically involved with those ideas.
Those images.
Paris, Beaches, Hotel Rooms, Roses, Chicago and True Love.
We had a 'sexy' moment.
It felt pretty spesh.
'Fall in love with me again and i'll sing you to sleep.' Said the girl with the goldern heart and the fancy words.

Darling, bring on the heartbreak.
Bring on that failure.
Bring on those wrong turns, long sleepless nights and those stinging tears.
Because I'm not broken yet.x

Last Listened: The Smiths - Asleep
Last Ate: Chicken Burger
Last Drank: Rose Wine
Last Felt: Lonely

My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

You can find the sleep, but not the dream.
Yes my life has a tendency to fall apart in my waking hours.
More recently, this weekends waking hours.
I feel like such a fool.
I changed my mind too late.
I decided it was time to stop running.
Oh, how wrong I was.
If only i'd have known what i knew today.
I'm sorry for blaming you.
I had an accident today too.
Maybe i deserved that.
My wake up call, so to speak.
I have so much to do.
My broken head/heart won't allow.
The brightest part of my day, was your beautiful ocean eyes.
I can imagine them now, as if i never left.
But in the end, i've hurt myself by hurting you.
I li/ove you.x