Fifty Shades Of Grey?

So I just had a little look to see what all the fuss was about.
I'm disappointed.
The novelist in me has ripped it to pieces.
In fact if Mr. Grey cocked his head to one side just one more time, i'd have been forced to snap his neck.
No, really...
Men do not cock their necks.
That's a woman's game.
We do it to be cute...
And when something confuses us...
Speaking of women...
The frisky female inside of me wasn't turned on either...
Maybe I am not the lonely housewife I once thought I was.
Maybe it takes more than just a few dirty words to turn me on.
Maybe i've had better sex than Mr. Grey?
But in conclusion I feel I have discovered a wonderful captive audience.
Now all I need to do is write about an average looking young girl, with hardly any bedroom experience and an extremely attractive American male who is amazing in bed and has a love for all things filthy.
The kind of man that would pin you down and fuck you.
This should, in theory, make me a multi millionaire.
Now where to find a twisted plot such as this?