a million miles from home

love and lust are two completely different things, or so i'm told.
i sit and write from a super busy day.
all i want to do is get drunk, so drunk i can feel nothing.
i'd quite like to feel numb right now.
but i have no idea why.
i suppose theres too much going on right now.
wondering if the right choices have been made.
wondering if i've done the right thing.
and apparently i'm too nice
maybe i need to turn on super bitch mode when working.
but i find it hard to be like that at work.
i'm still all smiles.
i look at how far i've come and i can't help but smile.
this time last year i was unsure.
i'd made some choices and i'd took some chances.
and i'm well aware that everything happens for a reason.
these reason, choices and chances have made me a better person
i often wonder where i'll be a year from now.
will i still be in Wales?
will i still be in the same job?
will i just be a girlfriend?
or will i be married?
will i be a mother?
will i be single?
so many questions.
and no answers.
i can only wait and see.
i will have the answers a year from now.
only i can create the path i'm about to take.
to apologies.
to glances.
and to messed up chances.
to all those times kid.
and to always all ways.
forever.