i realised something dreadful today
ive sunk back into my depression
i honestly have
look at the state of me
the state of my room
its christmas
i feel no joy
my hearts dead
i just want to stay alone in my despair
but inside i feel it building up
i feel myself ready to snap
i can feel it bubbling
my insides screaming
yelling
the disappointment in myself
my lack of drive
whats going on
whats with this front i have
i wanted this so bad
so much
why wont i go to get it
its right here in front of me
and i just cant reach it
i dont understand
ive let myself down
ive let everyone down
and i dont know what to do next
im back to wanting to die
it sounds drastic but it feels like the correct solution
not even him can save me
because as ive been told
apparently i d0nt want to be saved
im gona break down
this machine needs oiling
this girl needs...
she doesnt know what she needs.
love never seems to be enough
i refuse to go back to the pills.
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