RE: An Open Letter

in a phrase to cut these lips
i loved you
i remember being immensely happy with you
like the time i had a mouth full of ice cream
and then i laughed
and spat it all over your face
that would have been a breaking up offence
not for you
i remember the flowers
i remember the daffadils
i remember the 'i love you' outside oxford road station
and then i walked home in the rain feeling like i had everything
but i didnt
id never been so happy
but really id never been so hurt
because it was all lies really.
we went down hill from there
i was a mess because of you
i loved you more than anything
or anyone
i loved you more than my own life
i wanted you no matter the cost
but infidelty seemed to be your thing
once you cross that line
and break that trust
its game over
i guess you couldnt wait
to everyone else it was okay.
not to me.
i'd given myself away to you
and you'd thrown it back in my face.
sure we had some beautiful times together
but also some dreadful truely aweful times.
like the time i got diagnoised with serve depression
because i thought my mum was going to die from cancer
and you saw it fit to leave me and go shopping with some other girl
while i poured my heart out on the phone
and you hung up so i redialed
we contined this circle for about an hour
and you still wouldnt come to me
til in the end my phone broke from as my salty tears found there way into the wires and cicuits.
sure i did some shitty things to you.
but because i always wanted to get you back.
i wanted to get one more over on you.
get my own back on what you did to me.
you made my heart crack and break
i felt it
and i guess its still not back together right
but i've vowed never to feel it again.
i guess i like to think you ruined it for everyone
because im not willing to let anyone else as close
no-one
im not willing to fall in love again
no matter how appealing
or beautiful
or wonderful
it always ends up bad
i wished our love was as perfect as your journal entries made it seem
i wish things could have been different
and i know for a fact
that minus the infidelitys
they would have been.
but yes
we will always have that wall around us
and that haven to escpae too
that wall of sweet words and gestures
but im not sure how often we'll visit
or if the wall will crack and break
i dont know where we go from here
just wanted you too know.xxx